Bringing You Back
by mysteryshadow
Summary: Kitty's being haunted with nightmares of Nathaniel, and decides to take things into her own hands. But life is not something to be tampered with, even with the help of magic... no matter how much help or determination you have.
1. Prologue

Ok. This is NOT a oneshot. I repeat, this is NOT a onesot.

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**Disclaimer: I do not own The Bartimaeus Trilogy.**

I paused. The door wasn't locked. It wasn't even being guarded by whatever that thing kept this room in check.

But I still hesitated.

_He's dead._ _Get a grip on yourself!_

I inhaled deeply as I took the cold brass doorknob in my hand, and pulled. The door didn't move. A look of confusion crossed my face and then I scoffed at my stupidity. This time, I _pushed_. The door swung open with an eyrie creak. I allowed myself in, half heartedly hoping to see him there, standing with that arrogant smirk on his face. I would wipe it off in an instant with my fist, if that were to happen. Then again, if that were to actually happen, I don't think I could've done that. Not after what he's been through. Not after what he put _me_ through.

_Not after what** we've** been put through. _

I travelled lightly towards his desk. The back of his chair was tracing me, and I let my imagination wander at who might be sitting in it. I mentally slapped myself. What was I thinking? Him? Alive? Here? He would never come back.

My fingers traced the contour of his desk. I walked slowly, letting my hands run over all the delicate carvings. Sitting myself down in his chair, my eyes grazed his desk. There he was, staring back at me. It was so typical of Nathaniel to keep a picture of himself on his desk. He had always been so egotistical.

_Not always._

I ignored that little voice that said that. I took the picture in my hands, my thumb stroking the plane of glass, the glass that kept my hand from touching him. My grip tightened, my knuckles turning white. With a sudden rage of fury I threw the picture on the ground, the glass shattering as it made a connection to the floor. My arms lashed out as I swept the items off his desk in a fluid motion. My head found my arms as painful sobs shuddered throughout my body.

"How could you!"

My voice echoed slightly, fading off into the distance.

"You're such a jerk!"

My voice was unsteady and cracking. My legs felt like jelly as I slid slowly to the floor. My forehead and fingers resting on the edge of his desk, I wanted to sink through the floor. My sobs fell into unsteady gasps as I clamed myself. I slowly crawled over to where I had thrust his picture, careful not to cut myself with the shards of glass. My arm reached for it. This time, there wasn't any glass between us. My fingers went over his face.

"You fool."

My voice was filled with venom. I hated magicians. I hated them all. And you were one of them. You lied to me. You took everything away from me. You were everything I predicated you to be. After all, you were a magician.

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An prologue first chapter sort of thing… Hope you liked it.


	2. Chapter 1

Hi! Sorry for not updating sooner, but things are busy. Enjoy!

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Disclaimer: I do not own the Bartimaeus Trilogy.

Kitty moaned in her sleep.

"No…"

Kitty tossed in her sleep.

"No…"

She squeezed her covers tightly as to thinking that it would go away.

"NO!"

Kitty awoke with a start. Her breath was in heavy, panting gasps. She was slick with sweat and her hands were trembling. All because of one reoccurring nightmare that just didn't seem to want to leave, no matter what type of sleeping pills she took.

She had tried everything. Pills, psychiatrists… nothing had worked. She pushed her throbbing head into her hands. She inhaled deeply trying to calm herself, reassure herself that it was just a dream.

A really bad dream.

Kitty threw what remained of the covers off of her. She didn't want to go back to sleep. Not after that nightmare. She couldn't go through another one.

For the past month, she had been getting the same nightmare about Nathaniel's demise. Sometimes more gruesome and detailed then welcomed.

She felt the cold floor against her feet as her footsteps trodded lightly across the room. Sitting herself down on the floor, she leaned her head back. She pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them. She had been so scared.

Nathaniel… 

His name softly escaped her lips. His name sent tingles down her spine, in both the good and the bad way.

In a way, she guessed she yearned for him. The sight of him and his deep voice was enough to make her go crazy. She had torn that picture that she found of him on his desk to shreds, but then taped it back together. Then she ripped it up again. It lay inside one of her drawers, but she wasn't in a rush to look for it. She wanted to yell at him. Scream at him even. It was all his fault…all his fault…

She felt sleep slowly creep into her veins and she snapped back into reality. No way was she going to sleep tonight. She didn't care if she looked like a raccoon the next day. She had had enough of nightmares for one night.

Kitty pulled herself off her feet and went to get herself a glass of water. She pulled out a chair and sat herself down. She took a slow sip, letting the fluid refresh herself. It seemed to make her less drowsy and more aware of her surroundings. She sat there, holding the cup in both hands. She blinked once, then twice.

Her mind constantly found itself thinking about the same topic that haunted her so much for the past month.

Stupid Nathaniel… 

She sighed and took another sip, forcing her mind to wander to different topics. She started thinking about sheep. Why? She had no idea. The next thing she knew she was counting them, and counting, and counting…

Sleep had won her over after all.

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Kitty found herself in a misty haze.

Where was she?

"Hey."

Kitty whirled around to see whom the voice belonged to, but to her disappointment, it belonged to no one.

"Over here," it said again.

Kitty turned again, this time her eyes making a contact with a face she knew all too well.

_Nathaniel._

"You…you…" Kitty sputtered. Her face grew red with anger and Kitty cursed at Nathaniel with all the words she could fathom in the English language.

Nathaniel merely smiled.

"It's great to see you too," he replied with an easy demeanor.

This irritated Kitty even more. How dare he! He was just standing there! His idiotic grin smiling at her with such happiness that she wanted to go over there and beat him!

She huffed angrily and took a step towards him, but as she did, he seemed to take a step back, further into the mist. She stopped in her tracks and he stopped moving as well. Their distance was measured. This was as close as the two would get. No wonder he was so happy. That little fiend! If she ever got her hands on him…

She stopped her train of thoughts right there.

She couldn't get her hands on him.

She couldn't because _he_ wasn't there.

Nathaniel was dead. She had witnessed it! Then what was he doing here? Talking to her? So very much alive? She gulped. Now she was going insane.

_Great. One more problem to worry about. _

But she needed to talk to him. Crazy or not, he was here. Right now, talking and well. She had questions and he had answers. Answers that he owed her, she was sure of it. But how could she start? Surely she couldn't just go up, front and honest and ask, "You blubbering moron! Why did you die on me?" No. That didn't seem very appropriate, even to vermin like him. She took in a deep breath.

"So, what made you go?" she asked, trying to make it sound as casual as possible.

He looked at her for a second. His gaze piercing into her own. She had to look away.

Everything was silent. It was so quiet.

"Well, I guess it's appropriate for you to want an answ-"

"Cut to the chase Nathaniel. Don't sidetrack on me."

"You want to know the truth?"

Kitty nodded vigorously.

Nathaniel ran his hand through his cropped hair and sighed.

"I did it for you," his voice was barely audible, but Kitty had caught it and she was not amused.

"I'm serious, Nathaniel. Tell me the truth. The real truth," Kitty's face was serious. She didn't believe him.

…Nathaniel's POV…

I couldn't believe it. She didn't believe me. Did she not know how much nerve it took just to tell her that? And she thought I was lying? I'm dead already! What good would it do? Sure, if it was a lie it would've been a pretty funny to watch her face twist with confusion, then complete disbelief.

I shook my head sadly.

"That is the real truth."

Something flickered in her eyes. It was quick, but I saw it.

"You lie," she spat harshly at me.

"I don't."

Her face seemed to swirl with so many emotions it seemed to overwhelm her. It hurt me so much just to see her in such a state. So utterly confused, torn, angry. I wanted so much to hold her in my arms. Tell her everything was okay. I just had to look away.

But deep down, I knew it wasn't.

"You're such a selfish creep!"

My head jolted back up, seeing tears prickling at her eyes.

"If you were going to die, did you have to bring Bartimaeus with you? Why did you have to do it in such a heroic deed? Why can't I just let you go? Why do you come back and torment me with nightmares every night?" she bombarded me with questions.

In my opinion, some were rhetorical questions while others weren't. But one stuck out in my mind.

_Why did you have to bring Bartimaeus with you?_

That one question echoed in my head.

"I didn't."

Kitty looked up. Her eyes full of rage and hatred, for me.

"What?"

"I didn't bring Bartimaeus down with me. I let him go. I let him live. I'm not that cruel."

She stared at me. I have to admit, after a while it was becoming quite unsettling, but I didn't advert it. She searched my eyes just in case I was lying.

"Bartimaeus is…alive?" she asked with uncertainty.

"Yup."

"But why…?"

"Maybe it's because I'm not as mean as you think."

She looked at me with the same disbelief.

"Go ahead! Summon him! You know how! Didn't you do it once before? That's what you told me. Remember?"

Now I was feeling irritated. Why didn't she believe me? Why did she hate me so much? Okay, so maybe I _knew_ the answers to both of those questions.

"I never thought…"

I looked back up. She looked so hurt, so vulnerable.

"It seems like you never do," I answered with a twinge of bitterness in my voice.

She sensed it, and cringed back.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" she whispered.

"Not much good that'll do."

"I'll bring you back-" she tried.

I gave her one of my smirks that I knew drove her up the wall.

"In your dreams."

The mist seemed to lift and so did she. She began to blur. Her image was slowly coming undone, but I heard the last few words that managed to slip out of her mouth before she slipped out of view.

Her words rang in my head as the last strand of her hair faded away.

_I will. You just watch me._

I swallowed. That was what I was afraid of.

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A/N: Just wondering if it would be okay if I changed the title. I was thinking of **Unspoken**, but if you guys would rather just leave it as it is, I'll keep this title.

Ciao!


	3. Chapter 2

Hey everybody! I know I should've updated sooner, but time isn't something that I control and well, it's hard to keep up with hobbies when it's so busy. Anyway, here's the second chapter.

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**Disclaimer: I do not own the Bartimaeus Trilogy.**

…_**.In the last chapter….**_

The mist seemed to lift and so did she. She began to blur. Her image was slowly coming undone, but I heard the last few words that managed to slip out of her mouth before she slipped out of view.

Her words rang in my head as the last strand of her hair faded away.

_I will. You just watch me._

I swallowed. That was what I was afraid of…

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A dim bulb lit the surrounding of the room proving books, loose leaf, and miscellaneous items were scattered around it. A very frustrated and angry groan was heard throughout this place every so often. Truth be told, the room was a mess. Dark shadows were cast along the walls as the clock slowly ticked minutes off into the night.

"AUGH!"

Kitty screamed in frustration, and smacked the book she was holding in her hands upon her head… regretting it as soon as the action was committed. Rubbing her head slightly, a defeated sigh escaped her lips.

She didn't need Mr. Button's help to get into the library anymore; she was known well enough to be able to travel freely in and out of the library whenever she pleased.

Kitty rubbed her eyes. Oh how they were sore from all that reading! That dream – with Nathaniel – it had been so long ago, she couldn't even remember why she was trying to resurrect him. But she did know one thing, she had decided to do it and she wouldn't stop until she got her goal.

But at this instant, she needed a break.

She walked over to her window and with a grunt, opened it and felt the sudden rush of cold air sweep over her. She breathed in deeply, closing her eyes in the process. Exhaling softly, she let her imagination wander.

_Oh Nathaniel…_

She walked over to her desk, leaving the window open. She tugged at one of the drawers underneath the desk and pulled out a picture. It was the same picture that she had thrown on the ground in Nathaniel's office.

She had taken it and it was now sitting in the palm of her hands. She looked at the picture carefully. At first, when she had brought it home, she had ripped it into pieces and tossed it in the garbage. But later on that night, she emptied the garbage on her desk and carefully taped it back together. When she had finished though, she just ripped it back up… then taped the picture together all over again. It was a mess. Torn, taped, some pieces were even missing!

But it was hers. And it was the only thing she had to remember him by.

She placed the picture delicately back in the drawer and leaned back in her chair. She had done enough research tonight. A nap would probably do her good anyway. She leaned back in her chair and let her eyelids flutter shut and soon only a slow breathing rate was heard throughout the room.

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Rays of sunlight hit the back of Kitty's head as she slowly stirred awake. Stretching out from her sleeping position, she sneezed abruptly. She reached for a tissue and looked around. She mentally hit herself as she remembered that she had forgotten to close the window last night. The drafts must have given her a cold! She cursed angrily underneath her breath at her stupidity and dragged herself to her feet and went to close the window.

"Great time to catch a cold…"

She sat herself back down at her desk and reached for another book. She flipped the book right side up and scanned the cover.

**The History of Today's Magic by Karl Shlied**

Kitty arched an eyebrow at the title. Someone was really original. She flipped to the table of contents and searched for anything to catch her eye.

_Intro to Magic… Magic's History… Famous Magicians… Pentacles pt. 1… Alchemy… Pentacles pt. 2…_

Kitty stopped reading and her eyes backtracked.

_Alchemy?_

Why was there a full chapter on alchemy in a "History of Today's Magic"? She frowned. That didn't seem right. Perhaps there was an error in the printing? Her curiosity forced her to look into it.

"_Before you scream and yell at me saying alchemy and magic have nothing in common and should not be in a book about the history of today's magic, please hear me out." _

Kitty smirked at the first line. The author sure was right about that.

"_Now, let's begin shall we? We all know that we need to have pentacles in order to summon any type of demon. But did you know that pentacles were also used in alchemy? They were not used to summon anything but rather to change things such as metals. One example that many scientists or scholars have heard is: "changing lead into gold." But how can this be done? Modern day scientists have already figured how to do this nowadays and I am sure if you would like to find out you can look for books on alchemy in the library. However, that is not exactly the point. In some very old myths and tales, alchemy was to do many things as well! It could merge to creatures together in order to create something new. This is what we know to be called a chimera. But maybe, these tales were just trying to cover up for something bigger. My theory is these chimeras were actually demons!"_

Kitty thought about this, it did make sense. She knew a bit on alchemy and all that the author was saying did seem to fit in place. Kitty massaged her temples as she explored this subject more deeply.

Kitty flipped to the back of the book. Maybe she could find this author and they could talk about his theory. She read over his biography quickly and a pout settled on her lips.

_Born October 5th, 1967._ (**A/N: I don't know exactly when the Bartimaeus Trilogy took place but I guessed the future, so I'm going to pretend that 1967 is a long time ago for Kitty**)

She did a few quick calculations in her mind and shook her head. He would be dead by now. She sighed.

"Well, that was my last resource. Nothing more I can do now then read…"

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Kitty's stomach grumbled, protesting its hunger to her. She hadn't eaten breakfast yet and it was almost noon. Kitty rubbed her stomach absentmindedly as she grabbed her keys and walked towards the door. She didn't feel like cooking – not that she ever did – on top of which, she was thirsty for some coffee.

Grabbing her coat, Kitty stepped outside and was greeted by the sun. She winced at the brightness and quickly put on her sunglasses from which she took out of her coat pocket.

Walking briskly, she entered a coffee shop, ordered her food, and sat down. Sitting on her tray was a glazed donut and a cup of dark coffee, no milk. Not much of a breakfast or lunch, but she wasn't a health nut. She took a slow sip of the coffee and let the hot liquid fill her mouth. There weren't many people in the shop, but not many people go for brunch on a Tuesday morning in a coffee shop. Her eyes wandered the area.

A smile tugged at her lips. This place came back to her with so many memories. This was where it all started. She had met so many of her friends here…so many of her dead friends here. She added grimly. She whipped her head around as a loud crash sounded throughout the shop. An embarrassed woman stood beside a man desperately trying to wipe the coffee off of him while apologizing for her carelessness. The man was smiling and kept on saying it was his fault and she didn't need to worry.

Kitty rolled her eyes at the scene. They would probably soon sit down together for coffee and try to apologize to each other and would get together very soon. Typical romance episode...

Just as Kitty was about to return to her coffee, when the man looked in her direction. For that instant, Kitty locked gazes with him.

Something seemed eerily familiar with that man and it creeped her out.

"Note to self, I really have to get out more."

She craned her ears to listen to the two peoples conversation.

"Oh, I'm _so_ sorry! I didn't mean to spill my coffee all over you, sir!" **_That was the lady._**

"No problem. It was probably my fault, getting up like that so abruptly."** _The man._**

"I feel so dreadful about your clothes though!"** Lady again.**

"Like I said before, no problem. Here, come. Take a seat. My name's Karl. Karl Shlied."

Kitty froze. That name. It seemed so familiar. Where was it from? She knew she had heard it before!

"Think Kitty. Think!"

Kitty racked her brain. _Karl Shlied…Karl Shlied. _She banged her head lightly with her fist. _Where? When?_ Her eyes shot open.

That book! 

She looked back at the man. That couldn't be right though! This man, he was in his early twenties, there was no way he was the same man who wrote the book.

Maybe a relative? 

She needed to talk to him. She had to. Maybe he'd have some information. It was worth the shot. After all, she had nothing else left to loose…

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Good, bad? Sorry if this chapter sucked. I have to admit, this isn't the best work that I've ever written. While I was writing I kept on panicking about too much dialogue so I wrote basically none. And now when I read over it, it just well…sucks. Please be forgiving. You don't have to R&R, but it would be nice. Thanks.


	4. Chapter 3

Ok, ignore what I said in the past about being late with the chapter. So I haven't updated in like what? Two weeks? I'm sorry! I had a **_huge_** project that I didn't start working on until…hmm…these past two weeks? . Stupid project…

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**Disclaimer: I do not own the Bartimaeus Trilogy.**

…_**In the last chapter…**_

She looked back at the man. That couldn't be right though! This man, he was in his early twenties, there was no way he was the same man who wrote the book.

Maybe a relative?

She needed to talk to him. She had to. Maybe he'd have some information. It was worth the shot. After all, she had nothing else left to loose…

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Kitty eyed the pair sitting only a few feet away from her, her ears straining to listen to their conversation.

But so far, her search had proved futile.

The two only seemed interested in talking about Quentin Makepeace's fall or the recent politicians attempt to rebuild the government.

To sum it all up, they chatted about gossip.

Kitty closed her eyes as she massaged her temple. She had already finished four coffees, two ice cappuccinos, a small slice of chocolate cake, and she wasn't even counting her breakfast! If this lasted any longer, even all the caffeine that she had received wouldn't be able to keep her awake.

_Please let their conversation come to an end soon…_

And her prayer was answered. Two minutes later, the couple's conversation came to an end.

"So I'll see you Tuesday?" the man asked courteously.

"I won't leave until I see you," the woman answered, a smile on her face.

Kitty groaned and rubbed her face furiously. Although, their discussion was coming to an end, the mushy romance was enough to drive her insane! She watched as both man and woman stood up and got ready to leave. The two got up and walked to the door together, the man holding out the door for the lady. She parted to the right and he to the left. Kitty chose this as the time to get up. Her pace was brisk and she caught up to the man quickly.

Kitty ran up to the man and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me sir, I think I have something that belongs to you," Kitty said, presenting his wallet that she had just stole from his coat pocket.

"Oh! I must have left it at the café! Thank you!" the man answered.

"I couldn't help but notice your ID in your wallet. Would you be by any chance related to Karl Shlied? The author?" Kitty asked, carefully making her voice sound casual.

He eyed her suspiciously, a frown creasing on his forehead.

"Oh, it's just that I finished reading one of his books last night and I was wondering if you knew where he came up with such…" she paused, struggling with the last two words, "creative ideas,"

"No, I don't know. And it is none of your business nor mine," he stiffly responded, he turned on his heel to leave.

"Wait! Can't I at least have your name?" Kitty tried a last attempt to keeping him to stay.

"You saw my ID, you should know," he said, eyeing her more closely now.

Kitty mentally hit her forehead. What was she thinking? Being cooped up in a room filled with books did nothing to sharpen your senses, if not wear them down.

She watched Karl Shlied turn to leave. There was no way he was getting away so easily. It just meant she'd have to do things the old fashioned way.

_Stalk and stake out._

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She was a shadow. It was her home, and they obeyed her like dogs do to their masters. They covered her, hid her, protected her. She was undetectable, and that was why she was the best at trailing. She could have put a knife to Karl Shlied's throat and he wouldn't have noticed until it was too late.

She could have probably gotten a job as an assassin; it was better than living off the government. But murdering was against the law, and it wasn't like she wanted to kill anyway.

Kitty sighed. This was ridiculously absurd. The man was oblivious. Blind like a bat. It really wouldn't take much to take him down. In fact, an amateur could have snuck up on him if they wanted to.

He strode quietly, and easily led her to his home.

_What a fool…_

"You've been following me all day now. I've even led you to my home, are you satisfied now?" Karl tiredly asked.

Kitty's eyes went wide. Did he…? Was he talking to _her_?

Kitty stayed hidden a bit longer. Maybe he was talking to someone else. Or maybe, she was getting a little rusty in the art of stalking.

"Fine, stay where you are. But you'll never get past my dogs…" he continued.

Dogs were fine. She had an elemental sphere if she needed it, not that she would need such power for a few measly dogs.

Karl had started walking again and Kitty was falling behind. She took a few quick steps to catch up to him, but at that split second, he jumped on her. He pounced on her like a cat and had her pinned underneath him. His hands having a firm grip on her arms, it happened all before she could blink. She was sandwiched between him and the gravel, and it hurt.

"Why do you follow me? You picked my pocket for my wallet. Why? Who are you and what do you want from me?" his questions flowed out more rapidly than rushing currents.

Kitty struggled to breathe as she felt his weight slowly having a toll on her. It felt like they would crush her lungs.

"Can't…breathe-" as she wiggled from underneath him, trying in vain to get air to her lungs.

Karl stood up and released her. Kitty sat up and placed a hand to her lungs. They felt like they were on fire.

"What do you want from me?" he asked Kitty again.

Kitty wheezed.

"Like I said, I only want to see where Mr. Shlied had gotten all his information. Such a historical book could not not have findings to back it up," Kitty answered truthfully.

"Why do you care so much about my great-uncle's research?" Karl questioned again.

"His findings are essential to my…research. I'm not sure if you understand, but I must see them!" Kitty replied, telling a little white lie in the process.

Karl arched one of his defined eyebrows, making Kitty blink.

That look! Where had she seen it before? It was on the edge of her brain. Something about him wasn't right and it didn't make her feel any better either. There was something eerily familiar about him, but what was it? She wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if this kept up.

Karl sighed and ran a hand through his silky brown hair. "I guess I could let you look at his old study and see if you can find anything…"

"That would be great! Thank you so much!" Kitty said, her voice filled with excitement.

**At Karl Shield's house…**

Kitty's eyes went wide as she walked alongside Karl. They had finally reached his house…but to be more specific, it was a castle. It seemed only a bit smaller than the government buildings.

"My grandfather, the Karl Shlied who wrote all those books, made an enormous fortune. However, the family still disregarded him as a fool. They thought of his ideas as wild and him to be mentally unstable. So my grandfather decided to live on his own and bought this," Karl gestured to the castle.

Kitty allowed her eyes to wander as they stepped into the dark building. They walked up a long dusty staircase and strode through the quiet hall. Everything in the house seemed to have at least an inch of dust on top of it.

"No one's been in this place for years. We never really thought of him as family, but when he died, he wrote in his will that he wanted us to have it," he stopped in front of an oak door, "Here we are. You know, he never believed in djinn, or anything that the magicians summoned for that matter. He always claimed that they were just lost human souls. Crazy if you ask me,"

Kitty answered with a weak smile.

Lost souls…She would have to look into that.

Karl put a brass key though the lock and it gave away. The door opened with a creak as they stepped into the room.

"Welcome, to Karl Shlied's private research room," he said nearly above a whisper.

Kitty's eyes widened in shock.

Everything was burnt to a crisp…

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Sorry if I'm straying from the Bartimaeus plot. I know I didn't keep Kitty in character. The problem with this chapter was that I didn't write it all at once and so I didn't have the same feeling for it every time I picked it back up. Hopefully it'll be better soon. By the way, can anyone tell me if Nick ever died in the third book? I can't remember…


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